Question 1

What is divorce mediation?

Accepted Answer

Divorce mediation is a process by which one mediator, me, represents both people in the decisions about how to separate from your marriage. I guide you through decisions on custody of your children as well as how to divide assets in a fair and equitable way. We meet together for multiple 60 minute sessions and go through all necessary items and decisions. Once you have both made all decisions and are happy with them, I write a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) that is then filed with the court, resulting in an uncontested divorce without the need for lawyers during the decision process.

Question 2

How many sessions will I need with you to fully mediate my divorce?

Accepted Answer

That depends on many different factors. It is possible to have as few as one or two sessions, but that would require that you and your partner have made all necessary decisions ahead of time. The more decisions that are resolved outside of our mediation sessions, the fewer sessions we need. That being said, I always encourage couples to have an idea of their “easy” decisions so that we can use the time in session to tackle the more challenging issues and come to a resolution.

Question 3

What does a mediator do that is different from what a lawyer does?

Accepted Answer

As a mediator, I am unique from a lawyer in that I represent both of you. Lawyers are required to vigorously represent their individual client’s best interest, which has benefits but can also mean creating contention with your partner. I, on the other hand, would represent the best interest of both of you allowing you to come together and make a decision that is workable. Not all decisions in divorce will feel great to you individually, regardless of if you use a mediator or lawyer. However, with the help of a mediator you will walk out of the divorce process with a separation that feels mutually reasonable and avoids as much conflict as possible.

Question 4

What is the benefit to using a divorce mediator over going through litigation?

Accepted Answer

If you and your partner are willing to work together with the help of a mediator, there are multiple benefits to mediation. The primary benefits are that mediation is usually significantly less expensive and decreases the likelihood of conflict during the process. Mediation also does not include interrogatory questions or deposition, meaning that more information remains private and the process is less time consuming. Overall, choosing mediation increases the likelihood of finalizing your divorce in a healthy and financially responsible manner.

Question 5

Will you side with one of us or pick a favorite?

Accepted Answer

No, I will not pick a side or favorite. My job as a mediator is to represent both of you and to help you come to a fair and equitable decision on how to separate your lives. I will help guide you to a place that feels like you are both represented.

Question 6

Who makes decisions about how we divide assets or divide time with our children?

Accepted Answer

You do! As your mediator, my role is to help the two of you come up with decisions that work for your life but I will not make any decisions for you. Through divorce mediation, your autonomy is preserved and what is workable for your family is priority, unlike when a divorce goes to trial and a judge makes final decisions based on law because the couple cannot agree.

Question 7

What happens if we can’t come to an agreement?

Accepted Answer

This is rarely something I deal with as my job is to help get to an agreement on even the hardest and most contentious issues. That being said, you can always decide to go to court as a last resort if you feel that an issue is unable to be resolved.

Question 8

Is Mediation a Legal Process?

Accepted Answer

No, it is not a legal process. Mediation is a step that allows you to make decisions about your life and leave with a written understanding (called a Memorandum of Understanding) that is then filed with the courts to obtain a legal divorce. As such, laws do not dictate how you decide to separate your lives, you do.

Question 9

Is the Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) legally enforceable?

Accepted Answer

Similar to any agreement, including Marital Settlement Agreements, a MoU is not enforceable until signed off on by a judge. However, because you and your partner have come to an agreement together that feels mutually fair to the two of you, there is rarely a need to “enforce” the decisions. Once you have filed the MoU with a court, then the agreement is legally binding.

Question 10

What if we realize after the divorce that we need to renegotiate something, such as the agreement with how to time-share our children?

Accepted Answer

The beautiful part of using a mediator is that you can continue to work with them after the divorce. Many times people realize there is an unexpected hurdle following the divorce, such as the need to move or change hours of your job, which may impact a child agreement. Especially if you’ve already used a mediator once, you know that you and your ex-partner can work together and find a reasonable option that works well for both of you. As such, mediation is a great place to come together and find a new plan that works for updated circumstances.

Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce Mediation